Confessions of a Modern Bruja

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated by the magical appeal of all things supernatural: the western zodiac, the Chinese zodiac, numerology, the tarot. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that I had a strong and resilient Mexican mom who placed her crystals and precious rocks in water and set them on the windowsill beneath the beaming light of the full moon, and who lit incense to burn away the bad energy in the house. I didn’t understand any of it as a child, but I grew accustomed to seeing dollar bills and parsley also immersed in her jars full of water and didn’t question it, because I could tell it brought her some peace of mind.

I didn’t get my first chakra healing and tarot reading with her until I was in my early twenties, yet my identity as a modern day bruja was influenced heavily by her rituals and talks about being of Mayan descent, or about how real “el mal de ojo” (the evil eye) is. But like any natural witch would tell you, my identity was also influenced by what I became curious about on my own. I was drawn to the smells of lavender, amber, and rose as we’d walk by candle and aromatherapy shops, and I loved being in nature and feeling the wind against my face as I’d ride down the hills at the park on my bike. I would stay up late and look outside my window for any fairies that might be passing by, or I’d lull myself to sleep envisioning what it might be like to fly under the stars.

I frequently have moments of deja vu so strong that I give myself a headache in trying to remember why it feels so familiar; I’ve also had such vivid dreams that they’d shake my whole body as I woke up and sometimes, the people I dreamt about would contact me the very next day without me even reaching out. I also adored watching the Latino astrology legend Walter Mercardo give horoscopes on the Spanish news series, Primer Impacto. I was in awe of how powerfully badass and beautiful he looked in his extravagant capes and eyeliner every chance I got to see him on TV.

But witchy wardrobe and on-fleek “lewks” aside, I always had a feeling that real magic came from a deeper understanding of the self and the world around you. Reading up on horoscopes, lighting candles and wearing crystals as jewelry are all definitely conscious choices that you make the older you get, but I couldn’t help but wonder why so many of us are pulled into the mystic realm of the supernatural.

Is it the fact that there is some kind of explanation behind why people are the way they are, and all it takes is knowing their birth chart? Is it because seeing repeated numbers on the clock, like 11:11 or 4:44, might have a deeper meaning that leads you to your higher purpose? Or is it the idea that if you pull a certain tarot card from the deck, you will find the logical solutions that you’ve been seeking for your current problems?

I’d like to think that I’m well-versed on these topics---specifically, astrology. I found websites and books that explained the zodiac and I became hooked. I would try to guess a person’s sign before I even knew their name, or I’d start conversations at times with, “Well I don’t know about you, but as a Libra...”. My friends and family would even call me to ask if they’d be compatible with a certain sign.

Although I was flattered, I made sure to tell them that astrology is not the final say on true love and compatibility. After all, I know firsthand how important it is to draw the line on all of this when it comes to cultivating real love. I’ve dated guys who fit their descriptions to perfection, and guys who were nothing like their assigned sign. At the same time, I understand the thrill of meeting someone new and hoping that you’ll hit it off with them on your first date. So if some kind of pseudoscience, however strange, can help your chances of matching with the right type of person, it’s got to be worth a shot.

I think astrology gives us some sort of comfort amid all that anxiety because if you know a person’s supposed characteristics based off of their birthday, you might be able to better anticipate any conversational impasse or incompatibility in general. After all, if you’re an earth sign that exclusively dates fellow earth signs or water signs, you won’t be bothered by the trivial small talk that air signs love to zoom through, or by the brash and impulsive behavior of a fire sign, right?

While I am no fortune teller, I can say with certainty that you will ultimately hit it off with someone who can talk to you about anything that interests you, simply because they are genuinely interested in YOU. No matter where or how you meet, the right person for you will make you feel simultaneously safe and free to be who you are. The only limits your true connection will have is the number of hours in a day, because talking to them or being near them is the thing you most look forward to doing.

Nowadays, I’m into talking about the energy that I feel around people and how imperative it is to stay away from energy vampires (people who drain your energy either intentionally or unintentionally), if you can. It’s good practice to limit the amount of life force energy you exert daily when you work in stressful environments, but there are certainly still ways to harness it that you can do virtually anywhere: practicing gratitude, acceptance, self-awareness and forgiveness; purposefully creating thoughts and words that turn into empowering action; making vision boards with clearly defined goals and outcomes that you want to achieve; taking care of your physical body; surrounding yourself with people who sincerely bring out the best in you; and focusing on remaining present despite the situations you find yourself in.

I’ve toned down on the astrology talk (for the most part) when it comes to dating. I still like bringing up sign compatibility in terms of friendship when it comes to meeting new coworkers or striking up conversation at parties. My friends already know this habit of mine, and I’m honestly okay with being the designated astro nerd of my core group. It gives our conversation color, and it allows me to be creative and make people laugh. Of course, I’ve gotten used to meeting people who jump at the chance to say astrology is total bullshit and a waste of time. And that’s totally fine, because it’s clearly nothing that can be explained or proved by the scientific method.

In the end, I think I’m pulled deep into the mystic realm for a multitude of reasons. It’s the surge of energy that I feel when I correctly guess someone’s sign, or when I predict a full moon’s upcoming arrival without checking a moon calendar. It’s making connections with others and feeling incredibly in tune with nature at the same time. It’s having some sort of other-worldly power passed down from my Mayan ancestors that reinforces the idea that some things just can’t be explained, so all you can really do is give in to the glowing light that surrounds and protects you despite living in a world full of uncertainty and chaos.

There is power in owning that inner light and in knowing who and what shapes your identity and traditions, and for me, that’s some of the most beautiful magic that could ever exist.

---