I was overjoyed to have seen 2018 unofficially become the year of self-love. I couldn’t scroll through my social media timelines without coming across at least one post about how important it was to love or take care of yourself. I nimbly flicked my thumb daily as I liked every post I could — posts that talked about the necessity of breathing deeply, resting, skipping out on social functions, and not replying to certain texts or emails.

Whether you were going through a rough breakup, dealing with the death of a loved one or mental health issues, it seemed like even celebrities knew exactly what you were going through. Women like Halsey and Ariana Grande bonded publicly, sending each other praise and support via tweets. Both have undoubtedly gone through their share of heartache and loss, so it was endearing seeing an outpour of love on a platform that is normally used for hateful purposes.

ari the world could only dream of being as compassionate and gentle as you. and since ur being, as always, so classy and nice, allow me the honor of telling them to shut the fuck up.
— h (@halsey) November 25, 2018

There is no denying that 2018 was a rough year for almost everyone. It was a year that had many of us feeling like the world had lost its mind, since there was terrible news all the time and chaos could seemingly be found everywhere you turned. But as the year winded down, I realized that the new year should be a huge step forward from the self-love movement.

By no means am I saying that the practice of self-love should be abandoned; self-love is the absolute first step to reaching awareness and personal freedom. However, the only way to stand even stronger and wiser is to now transition from the idea of “I deserve to take care of myself” to “I deserve to hold myself accountable.” If you made mistakes, let toxic people or situations deplete you but were finally able to focus on yourself recently, you are on the right track. Now it’s time to let the focus be on questions that force you to make smarter and loving decisions, such as “What did I learn from allowing this person/situation stay in my life for that amount of time?” or “What am I going to do differently so that I don’t make these mistakes again?”. If you still struggle with answering those questions, know that while it might take a long time for you to heal and get to the core of your decision-making, it is so wonderfully worth it to open up and find your inner power.

Holding yourself accountable for the things you did that helped fuel your choice to remain angry or in despair can be extremely difficult, especially if you easily fall prey to playing the victim. We can make the most petty or silly mistakes simply because we fail to communicate how our temporary emotions clouded our judgment and our heart’s true intentions. For many of us, it’s scary to be honest and to courageously communicate because it’s easier to just keep suffering than to make the right changes to become better.

This is why accountability is crucial to self-growth. Accountability is the next step after finding your worth through self-love and realizing that you deserve to be happy and no longer wish to put yourself in situations where you feel low in energy, unloved, and powerless. I can honestly say, however, that once you are completely honest with yourself about what you want and don’t want, it gets so much easier to accept who you are, be kinder to yourself, and forgive yourself and others for the sake of your peace of mind.