My Boss Calls Me Mija at Work. Is This Okay?
Dear Mi Comadre,
I'm hoping you can help me. I work in a small office made up of mostly males. There are two other females in the office, and they are white. My boss is about 15 years older than me and is of Mexican descent. He refers to me as mija all the time. With everyone else, he just calls them by their first name, but he calls me mija. In meetings, on conference calls, in front of others.
What do you think? Is this appropriate? -G. Ramos-Wright, Downey, CA.
I think that you should have a conversation with your boss. He may not even notice he does it. Maybe he has kids your age. Even if he doesn’t, Mija and Mijo naturally come out the mouths of Latinos. However, you are at work, and unless you were really his daughter, he should be addressing you by your first name.
Make your convo simple. Just ask him if he has a couple of minutes to talk and say, “I know Mija and Mijo are very common ways Latinos address each other, but if would please call me by my name I would appreciate it. Thank you.”
Hope this helps!
Dear Mi Comadre,
I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for 13 months now. I knew when I got into the relationship with him that his family was very close to his ex. They were in a relationship for 12 years and decided to part ways. The split up was amicable and there were no hard feelings. She is engaged. Lately, I have been feeling some type of way about the relationship his family has with her. Almost once a month, one of his sisters are out having lunch or dinner or just hanging out with his ex. They are constantly talking to each other on social media. Tagging each other in posts and saying how much they love and miss each other. I promised myself I would not get jealous over all of that but it recently started getting on my nerves. I talked to my fiancé about it and he says I am over reacting. He feels that as long as he does not have contact with his ex that I should feel fine. Who am I to tell his mom and sisters who to hang out with. Please help, am I being a petty little girl or do I have a point? Ayúdame please. - Anonymous
Hello Miss Feeling Some Type of Way,
My advice to you can go in so many different ways, and I'm sure there are many layers to the situation.
One of worst things about breakups are the breakups within THE BREAKUP. One relationship can create several sub-relationships. The people in those sub-relationships are just going through life when suddenly BOOM, they are expected to erase those sub-relationships ASAP! Don't talk to her, don't talk to him. Unfollow him from social media, block her from IG. So much drama!!! It can sometimes be more exhausting for those caught in the crossfire than the 2 people breaking up! But every break up is different. I think that your situation is very common, and social media plays a big part in it. I'm amazed at how so much importance is given to likes, double taps, and story views on IG and Snapchat. People really get in their feelings if you don't double tap their pic or view their story
You said your fiance's breakup with his ex was amicable. However, amicable or not, your feelings should not have been brushed off, AND for him to say you should be fine if he has no contact with her was no bueno.
Because I wasn't there for the original conversation, let's give him another chance to empathize with your feelings. You need to take a couple of things into consideration before you have your conversation. First, 12 years is a really long time to be with someone, so it shouldn't be a shocker that your future sisters-in-law have created a close relationship with your fiance's ex. Second, and this can be a tough one, let him know that you are considering having a conversation with his sisters about how you feel. You don't have to do this, but it sounds like they're oblivious to the effect their actions are causing you. And it's ok to be in your feelings. Don't beat yourself up for that. I don't think you expect them to drop the relationship they have with her, but they could be considerate and respectful of your feelings.
When you speak to your fiance, tell him that you are not concerned about him having any interaction with her. Tell him exactly what you feel, and why. Tell him that you are considering have a conversation with his family (if you decide to do this). He needs to be understanding, and empathize with how you feel. At some point in all relationships there will be situations where we don't understand why our significant other feels a certain way, but we need to know how to be there, empathize with them, and work through them lovingly. I hope the second time around goes better. Most importantly, don't suppress your feelings, stay true to yourself.
Wishing you the best!
Dear Mi Comadre,
I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years. We live together, pay bills together, buy groceries together, but he has not initiated any talks of marriage. I know it sounds cheesy, but I really want to get married and have kids and live in a house with a white-picket fence, and all that stuff. I don't think he wants any of that. We have an amazing relationship with no drama and no problems. I don't want to be with anyone else, but I don't think I'm going to get what I want from my boyfriend. What should I do? -Anonymous in North Carolina, GA.
What you want is absolutely NOT cheesy! It's YOUR happily ever after!
Sometimes guys are hard to read, and they aren't as vocal about what they want in their future when it comes to relationships. I think my husband and I were dating for about 3 years, and neither of us brought up marriage. I did think about it the longer our relationship went on, but I never brought up the conversation. My sister was actually the one that started picking on us. She'd ask him when he was going to propose because we had been dating for a significant amount of time. Telling us that we were already living together so why not just do it? We both laughed it off but never said anything else. I, however, started going through all the what ifs in my head. What if he doesn't want to get married? What if he's not sure about a future with me? What if he doesn't love me? Girl, I was in my head! (Thanks Sister!)
I was so nervous to talk to him about marriage because I didn't want to get rejected. What if he didn't believe in marriage? Would I be willing to let go of my desire of being married? Just like you, I didn't see myself with anyone else.
After getting some courage together, I brought up the conversation in the most casual way possible. I don't remember how exactly, I just remember that I didn't want him to think I was bringing it up to put pressure on him. I do remember the conversation was positive. He did eventually want to get married, but he didn't want it to be put on a timeline. He saw us together in the future and wanted to build a life with me. I understood where he was coming from, and I think we really didn't talk about marriage again until he proposed a few years later.
I think it's important that you have this conversation with your boyfriend. What's great is that It sounds like you have a solid relationship, so this is definitely a positive. I know you may be a little uneasy to have this convo, but you can't continue to suppress your feelings and desires. If marriage and children are things that will fulfill your life and put joy into your world, then my Dear you should have those things.
Of course, the best thing that he can say is that he feels the same way. Let's say he doesn't want everything you do. Before your heart breaks, see if you can compromise. It's rare to find 2 people who want the exact same thing at the exact same time, but when you love each other, you'll make each other happy with a little give and take.
I hope your dreams become realities! Sending positive vibes your way!
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